Trusting...

   " The earth belongs to the Lord, and everything in it -- the world and all its people." Psalm 24:1

This Truth has been my lifeline the past 4 weeks. Anyone who has asked me how being back at work has been knows that it is a bittersweet time for me. I LOVE teaching...I really do. Each morning starts off with a moment of silence during announcements and my prayer each morning is that every kid walking through the doors of Silverlake will learn and know love that day. I love that there are 400+ kids I have a chance of impacting each day. The "ah ha" moments I see on my students faces when they finally get a concept is priceless. I love my co-workers, and I enjoy adult conversation throughout the day (which is something I thoroughly missed as a stay-at-home mom).

BUT (and this is a BIG BUT!), I absolutely, 100% miss my little boy like CRAZY!!! His picture is posted all over my room and my heart half smiles and half breaks each time his adorable face pops up on my computer screen. There are some days I do really well and everything feels like routine. Then, there are other days, like today, where I just hold my little man as I rock him to sleep and cry because I feel like I am missing everything. I'm sure it's a little bit of hormones mixed with a little bit of sleep deprivation, but nevertheless it's hard to handle sometimes.

So where does Psalm 24:1 come in? When the urge arises (as it does each day at work) to play hooky for the rest of the day and go get Asher from daycare, I recall this Truth. That though I may be Asher's mommy, he doesn't really belong to me at all. Reagan and I have been blessed with the privilege and responsibility of raising this little boy. He is God's son more than he is ours. When I think "they don't know him like I do, they can't possibly be doing as good of a job as I would do", I remember that God knows him most of all. He knit him together in my womb and knows each piece of precious red hair that little boy has on his head. That's when I pray. I pray that God is imparting his wisdom onto Asher's daycare teachers, that He is watching over him and making sure he is taken care of and loved every second that I am away. And that gets me through day...to 3:45, at which time I run out as fast as I can :)

I think of my love for Asher and I can't even fathom that it is only a tiny fraction of the love God has for him. So, if God can entrust me to take care of His precious child for what I pray is an abundance of years on this earth, can't I have enough trust in Asher's daycare to take care of him for a couple hours each day? I think so. And though I love Asher's daycare and think they do a fantastic job, my trust is not in them, but in God alone. That He is with Asher every second of every day. That He uses others to meet Asher's needs and show him love just as He uses me.

With that said, here is to 164 more days until I am once again a stay-at-home mommy to this cool rat...